Snow:Emma, you have to get used to the idea.
Emma:No. It’s too crazy. You as a princess I can buy, and Regina as a witch actually makes a lot of sense. But this? No.
Snow:He’s your *father*. And he’s actually not that bad. You have to give him a chance.
Emma:No. After a year of utter BS, I don’t think I have to.
Snow:When he’s not under a spell he’s really quite Charm—
Snow:Okay, twenty eight years of birthday presents to make up for. I covered the first fourteen. I tried to get a good mix of sentimental stuff and things that she can actually use now. Books, toys, clothes, what have you. What about you? What’s in the bag?
Charming:But this one’s jewel encruste-
Henry:Have either of you seen Emma? I want to ask her something.
Snow:She’s out, but maybe we can help. What's eating at you?
Henry:It’s this girl. See, at first I thought she liked me, but she was actually just using me to steal stuff.
Charming:Steal stuff, you say? In my experience, the best time to meet women is while they’re stealing. Preferably from you.
Charming:Has she given you a sarcastic nickname yet?
Charming:Shot you in the arm?
Snow:Go ask someone else.
Charming:I wonder if we should invite her to dinner?
Snow:Literally anyone else.
Red:Okay, I think it's safe to say we're best friends at this point. You know all my relationship problems, including the part where I ate my boyfriend. We’re on the run right now. I think we’re at the real-name stage of this relationship.
Snow:Fair enough. My real name is Snow White.
Red:How is that any less ridiculous than Frosty?
Snow:Your name is RED!
Red:My NICKNAME is Red. Your real name is two names and both of them are ridiculous.
Snow:Whatever, man. Don’t call me next time you're a wanted fugitive.
Emma:Finally got yourself a computer?
Rumplestiltskin:I've always had it, but Belle finally made me set it up.
Emma:What are you doing with it now?
Rumplestiltskin:The, ah, iTunes User Agreement.
Cinderella:Seriously? No one reads that.
Rumplestiltskin:Then I guess that makes two contracts you never read.
Cinderella:Die in a fire
Belle:Rum, I’m going to see my dad. Do you want to--
Belle:He barely remembers what you did to him.
Rumplestiltskin:Probably because of the head trauma.
Belle:Cinderella’s father-in-law tried to SELL her baby-- to you actually-- and she doesn’t hold it against him.
Rumplestiltskin:Then you can bring him to meet your father.
Belle:You're a coward.
Rumplestiltskin:And you've chosen to love a coward.
Belle:Seriously thinking about booking another stay at Regina’s crazy hospital dungeon because of it.
Belle:Who was that?
Rumplestiltskin:Just an old beggar woman selling flowers.
Belle:Way out here.
Belle: At the door of one of the most feared men in the land.
Belle:I'm calling your bluff, buddy, but this is one of our less angsty scenes so I’m gonna let it slide.
Emma:You look pretty happy for someone who's just found out that they’ve been cursed for 28 years.
Jiminy:Oh, just getting ready for the influx in job traffic. There are going to be a lot of people mesed up by the whole dual-life situation, and who are they going to turn to for advice? Me.
Emma:You do realize you’re not actually a therapist, right? How is this good for you?
Jiminy:Because if I’m lucky, that translates into more screen-time!
Emma:That’s sick, man.
Jiminy:Easy for you to say, Ms. Appearing-In-Every-Episode.
Emma:You are the worst conscience ever.
Henry:Hey, I saw half the town arguing in the middle of the road on the way here. What’s going on?
Emma:Don’t worry about it. They’re just fighting over who gets first crack at Regina once Season 2 starts. I say we just let it play out.
Henry:Oh. Why aren’t you out there too?
Emma:Have you seen Rumplestiltskin swing that cane? No thanks. Line forms behind him.
Jefferson:You have to make me a hat.
Emma:Dude, I’m a bailbondswoman. Very specific set of skills.
Emma:Take down a guy, boot a car, sure.
Emma:Haberdashery, not so much.
Jefferson:Actually, that’s a common mistake. The term is hatting.
Emma:I feel like you’re just proving my point here.